"The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing —
to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from —
my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing,
all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back."

~C.S. Lewis

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Fearing to Fly

My soul is straining to fly. Lord, there are so many things I want to go—places I want to see—people I want to meet—changes I want in myself. I sense maia in so many places and yet it is always a shimmering reflection; I so rarely know how to grasp it and yet cannot stop trying merely for a fear of failure.

This fear comes up too often in me, Lord, yet it is not what You would have. The failure is sensing the calling—and then doing nothing. The failure is feeling the longing—and saying it doesn’t matter. There is no failure in not being perfect—in making mistakes. Lord, I believe even You, as a Man on earth, may have made mistakes, and yet that was never, not for a moment, sin. I do not sin in not knowing the way. I sin in refusing to try. Oh, Lord, you merely call me to be faithful and never to be perfect.

If You are calling me, You are equipping me to answer that call. When you called Samuel as a boy, he had to do nothing but say, yes, Lord. He did not have to change the world right at that moment. He merely had to say yes. He had to take the simple step that was right in front of him. And that was it. That was all you wanted. He just had to be faithful.

Yes, Lord.