"The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing —
to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from —
my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing,
all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back."

~C.S. Lewis


Monday, November 21, 2011

The wind on my face

You would think I am on caffeine. I’m entertaining when I’m on caffeine. I get just purely sparklingly happy and start thinking about how the sun is so wonderful and the grass is so wonderful and buildings and houses and people and schoolwork and learning and ladybugs and horses and sunshine and chocolate and music and everything in life—absolutely everything—is so amazingly wonderful—so wonderful I just walk around with a smile on my face.

And then I start wondering why I am feeling so odd, and I remember that an hour ago I had coffee.

But right now, I’m not on coffee. It’s just one of those times when I look around me, and I close my eyes and breathe in, and I absolutely cannot believe how incredible life is. It’s not that I have everything I could ever want—or that there is nothing troubling me—or that there is no pain in my life—but that beyond those light afflictions there is such glory and beauty and joy such that I have only barely even tasted.

But it’s there, it’s real, it’s the reality behind every storybook and every fairy tale. Where do we get the ideas for those places, those lands, those adventures? It can’t just come within us, it must be rooted in reality, and we are searching for it with every breath we take. And we find it in our world, though dimly, though one day those who have lived in Christ’s glory will see it face to face.

Just because it is dimmer than it will one day be doesn’t mean it is dim. It is not just some sort of theoretical glory or joy. It is pure, absolute, glorious happiness. It is letting yourself laugh as hard as you can about jokes that make absolutely no sense and sing at the top of your lungs to The Lion King songs and dance around the room at the same time just because you can and eat three desserts in one night because you want to and have walking races with total strangers and talk to the birds who are screaming at you and because you just let life be so much fun.

It is looking at pictures of the most beautiful sunset, and knowing, that is real, I experienced that. And it is imagining riding my horse and realizing, that unbelievable power—that is real, that is part of life as I know it. And it is thinking of love, unimaginable self-sacrificing love, and understanding, that is as real as the wind on my face.